He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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