i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
