we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
