the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
