He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My feet surprised me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
