I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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