He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
