The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
