bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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