It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
