the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
