Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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