I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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