I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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