What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
