We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
