Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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