Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
