i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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