i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
