I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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