4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
