I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
