ADVERTISEMENT

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa

  (281): View more from Texas

  what did you steal

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.

  Fav 10 2457 1095

  share tweet
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...

  Fav 16 993 5484

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (361): View more from Texas

  ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Shotgun.

  Fav 57 4640 1018

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

  Fav 19 7103 1439

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.

  Fav 0 979 2697

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.

  Fav 13 1984 1780

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?

  Fav 7 1846 742

  share tweet
  

• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?

  Fav 8 1062 1820

  share tweet
  

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

  Fav 5 1019 754

  share tweet
  

• (562): View more from California

  So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch

  Fav 8 1056 582

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  How drunk is she?

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her

  Fav 1 899 587

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"

  Fav 0 725 503

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.

  Fav 0 39 22

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand

  Fav 0 22 41

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.

  Fav 0 73 3

  share tweet
  

Randomize