How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
