I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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