i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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