There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
