just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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