I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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