I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
