butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Farmville is her only friend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
