Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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