Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
