The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
