Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
