my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
