Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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