Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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