Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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