i just wanna soil my oats bro
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
