I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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