having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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