she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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