You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
