i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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