some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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