somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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