hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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