oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
