you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
