let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
