I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
